Are you a Panda Admirer, Cuddler, or Grinder ?

The show finished a week ago tonight, and back to reality, I still haven't wrapped everything up and put it all away.

The end of the show never fails to cause a laugh / panic / not knowing where to look / blokes find it nearly as threatening as women - and I find women the MOST funny at this point of the show.. Women are always saying to blokes my face is some 12 inches North of where you are looking ... but women are just as bad... when I am looking at them at the end part of the show, they are obviously red faced, flustered, and with diluted pupils and wide eyes, forcefully and deliberately focused on my face ... I even have to ask some women to keep their eyes up as their eyes get locked .. just below the guitar level ....

When I see this ... I deliberately and quickly turn and look at another member of the audience, then turn my head back.. that's when you catch them ... yes ..  and my face is some 36 inches North of their eye line ... and that is SO funny. Its a moral high ground that I really believe is not based on solid ground.. Ladies ... !!! But more importantly ... its great fun to do, and has become one of my personal favourite parts of the show ...  Blokes are just all over the place ... they fold their arms, turn to one side, look down at their feet .. but the stranger dynamics are the blokes who are looking at their partners to see what they are looking at ... I imagine there are a number of interesting conversations occur outside of the show with these chaps !!! 

So where am I with the show shut down...

I published the films on UTube ... I have sorted out and packed up my radio Mic system  nicely, I have cleared away some bits. But I still have things to do..

The Barnsley Props need a wash / clean / sterilisation .... they were just perfect this year ... my thanks again to Gill and Paul. 

The Panda Suits need dry cleaning then packing away in a sealed bag .. as moths find these suits VERY attractive.

I have to find a home for BAD Panda ... my prop used during the last week of the show ... hand puppet Panda needs putting back to his normal place, my panda ears need putting away, etc ..The house is looking more like a Panda sanctuary at the moment.... 

As a consequence to doing a show around Pandas .. I keep getting emails about Pandas, or Panda pictures, or interesting facts.... its great .. but what I really want to know, what I REALLY must sort out ... is ... is a Panda Cuddly, nice to look at, or worth a good old grind ? You know what I mean !!! If I am to be known as "the Panda boy" ... then its important .. at least it is to me... yeah fine for you lot... in your smart suits and Gucci handbags (well the blokes anyway) .. But ....Is a Panda ....

1) that cuddly friend who everyone likes - but no-one dates? (reference show again here !!! )

2) that nice looking chap at the bar - who you spot - but no-one approaches ?

3) that chap who is going to get "jumped on"?

Answers on a post card -  (or maybe not !!)

Having missed so much sun this year, as Edinburgh was permanently under cloud, and rain , with zero sunshine, I think I am getting SAP ... yes .....Seasonally Affected Panda ... I need sunshine !!! (I think I am not alone here..) that's the next thing on my mind ....

Got some nice pictures this morning from my sister (below) - enjoy 

A Panda looking Bareguitarist ....

Mom? Can you come and get me down now?

 

 I'm not coming out.
You'll have to come in and get me.

You go. I'll just stay here and rest my head a little bit.

Pardon me but do you have a napkin? 

                                                                  

                     Pandas looking for lost earrings.... 

The day after - the day after - the night before - ...

So Its the day after the night before the... well you get it ...

The show finished with the final performance on Friday .... and with the trip down, the volume of alcohol after the show, and a call into see my mother (was her birthday) ... took a little time to do the blog on Saturday night (half asleep) - and then got down here on Sunday I was a little bit knackered.

What a great time. It was fun, it was challenging (another word for a pain in the ar*e), it was interesting (another word for challenging), and I believe that in the end I got the show genuinely  fringe like for the last few days.

As I sit here today, I am thinking about - what next?  Edinburgh ... well maybe not next year. Fringe .. well not sure.... Why ?
 2 key elements for me.

1 - I just cannot sit in darkness for another few weeks .. Edinburgh was exceptionally dark this year in terms of cloud cover, constant rain, and zero sun light. I need sunlight ...






2. is the costs. Edinburgh has just got to be too expensive for me. I could reduce the costs by staying in shared accommodation... eating tins of half finished food from the trash ... etc. NO .. not really. apparently you can get to Edinburgh by train, with advanced booking and during off-peek times cheaply .. but not with 2 guitars, clothes for a few weeks, CLEAN UNDERWEAR !!!, props and equipment, it would not be possible for me... and sharing accommodation .. well again ...

Yes if it was with the performers of a burlesque show ...










but the thought of being castrated by my partner for a few quid .. does not appeal either.

I think first plan is look at Brighton Fringe - and see what that looks like. I can get to that easily ... and costs are low enough to justify the means.

I will miss doing Edinburgh though ... it has that sense of the real fringe that I am not sure I will find else where ...

Next blog is to explore what went wrong with the show at the start. But that's it - for now - for the bareguitarist (who need to get some real work done..)...

♫ and now the end is near - and so I face the final curtain ♫

Its not just near ... its here .. that it ... the final countdown .. the swan sound ... the end of existence ... its life Jim, but not as we know it...

Oh yes. Joined by a crowd of thousands and a cast that would make Spartacus look like a solo act ... its was the final show of the bare / bear / panda guitarist...... amidst cheers and sighs of relief ... and that was from the audience....I did my final performance... well maybe not ....

I had quite a full house for this final day. It was busy, lively, and had a nice scattering of what has become one of my favourite nations for this years show ... CANADIANS !!!!!  Yeah !!!

The last two shows I had the right format, and I had about 2 hours of material I could snap in and out of various parts of the show depends on what the audience are reacting positively to.

But what had I learned ? well I started the show with a set of comedy that I had worked on with a professional comedian.  I ended my run with anecdotes, stories, supported by slides and music... the same type of material I used last year. The more I took out the material I had worked on with the comedian, the better the responses got to the show. The final few shows had virtually nothing of those pieces in, and they were regarded (by the audience) as the best ...So next time just do what I do .. actually it appears to be what people enjoy.

Below are some show images, some images from the festival, I hope you will enjoy them.

Pats Baps :)

Let me thank everyone who  were generous to come to the show, everyone who gave me their feedback, Finnegan Wake - who are were exceptional hosts for the show, and all my friends who gave valuable time to spend a little time with me and my show ... and who am I missing? .. oh yes the Meerkat ... who travelled up and down from London 3 times.

This is not the end... not the end of the blog ... not the end of the show ... its just the final show note... once I arrive back to civilisation I will update with the show details - which I hope you will find interesting.

A very knackered Bareguitarist.

Finnegan Wake back room stage and seating area

Edinburgh Zoo - a treat compliments of the Warms (ta..)

 

The last Mohican - Kiss me hardy - yes this is it ....

Last show ..... but 1 ...... yes that's about it .. the last Mohican  .... Custers last stand ... Last orders at the bar ... Kiss me hardy .... yes this is it ....

Tonight I just tuned the format again a little ... it wasn't flowing and I was struggling to find a format that included all the bits I wanted in but yet had a flow ... and this format is as near to it as I can get - I think...

When I got to the bar it was empty ... and when I say empty I mean empty .. I counted 4 people in the entire bar. With 20 mins to the show I decided that I was going to call it off. after all I can have another play around on the guitar, do some music, without having to set up the entire show (which takes around 15 mins to do) .

Outside there was not many people around either ... a few leaflets handed out - and a few chats with people - but I didn't get that warm cuddly feeling that people were REALLY going to come back... I had had a chat with a Canadian couple - really nice couple and the chap was a real character... who had told me they were popping back. He had told me he wrestled bears ... they all do in Canada ... nice he get stereo typing humour then ....


and a nice Swiss couple had said they would be back ... but you know people get distracted etc.


So I went to the bar got a shandy, and sipped away happily, on the presumption that with the bar being SO empty, I was going to cancel the show....when I spotted the Canadian chap and his partner. Right ... so if they have come back to see the show - then I had better get my skates on to get it ready. After all its not fair to them if I don't. Then in walked the Swiss couple into the bar. And ... I am LATE !!!!!

The thing about having Canadians and Americans in the show is this ... they are loud ... lovely outspoken and loud ... and it just makes a show ... Great fun ......They were joined by a couple from England and Wales (OH DEAR ... The welsh show image and gag) ... and we were off.

The show ran well - the mic packed in - but it was OK I went acoustic ... and with some fun, laughs, some mixed responses, the look of sheer HORROR on the Swiss woman every time I went any where near her .. and the Canadian couple who were having a nice time .. and the English chap who I was concerned about at first as he sat in a very defensive position in the corner ... the night was a fun night.

Its Hearts V Liverpool in the European cup (football) .. so after the show ... a brief drink in town .. then get out of dodge before the fans arrive.

After all .. a Panda in the streets of a drunken set of football supporters is not the safest way to spend the evening.

Not the biggest audience - but one of the most fun to do  .....for a bareguitarist ....

OK stupid ... DON'T ASK THE GEORDIE ABOUT THE SHOW !!!

But I did - didn't I ...

OK then from the top....

Tonight started with me sat in the living room of the flat - and I didn't want to go. I wasn't feeling too good - but that's not only it.  I didn't want to go .. tonight .. Wednesday night ... I felt it was going to be quiet ... so what if I missed tonight - just tonight - I could always pick it tomorrow right ?

No.. Yes - No... Yes .. oh crap - Bipolar kicked in again ... right - so part of MY personal benefit form doing the shows is to push me to do the things I wouldn't normally do day to day .. like the leaflets .. yes I could just do the show without them... without standing around finding ways to talk to total strangers passing in the street ... but what would I gain from that? Same for the show - dealing with every sort of personality you could name ...

Right so - feel like it or not - show it is ...

I met up with some guys from a previous show and had a chat .. nice distraction.. then out to the street and passed by one man - a dog - and ...... nothing ... but you know the saying - the show must go on right ...

So open the doors - and in walks a handful of people .. followed by a few more ... so I was wrong then ... not going to be quiet after all. On with the usual intro's ... I have 2 Northern Irish lasses, 1 girl from Norway, 1 from South Africa, a couple from Southern Ireland, a couple appeared from Italy, a smattering of Scots, and a guy from Newcastle ... Geordie...

I got on with the show .. ran the format ... half way through the Geordie was dropping off .. great .. but onwards ... then the girl from Norway went into fits of laughter, followed by complete and utter out -loud laughing fit from the SA girl .. yes it was that time of the show when this happens ... whilst it was a little more extreme than normal .. and went for so long the show nearly over ran .. I got to the end. It certainly woke everyone up!!!

Nice show - enjoyed it .. had a crack and so did the audience .. except for the Geordie !!! who barely cracked a grin .... OK well you cant win them all.

Pack up everything and out for a well earned shandy gargle (driving) .. and there - at the end of the bar .. THE GEORDIE ..... so you know what happened next .. he came over and started to chat. "Go on .. ask him if he enjoyed the show"  said that horrible voice in my head ....I couldn't help myself .. I wanted to stop .. I just couldn't.. so I did... and he enjoyed it.. I asked him for an honest opinion ... he said he wanted more background details on the stuff I was doing .. god sake man .. I ramble on like an idiot for what feels like 14 hours .. but apparently not enough .. he wanted more of that and whilst that meant less of the other stuff - which he said he found funny (LAUGH OUT LOUD THEN!!!!) .. he wanted to hear more of the interesting stuff. So why was he falling asleep ? He had caught the early morning train from Newcastle .. had about 8 beers, and was knackered.

Well that was a shock .. nice well educated chappie as well .. very articulate .. had he wished to tell me I was crap he would have found a nice way to do I suspect, and after all he is a Geordie .. not famous for their subtle tendencies.....

Well just 2 more days to be a Bareguitarist ....

A vampire - a foul mouthed Irish guy - and V....I....N...C....E !!!! :) :)

This is it ... 3 days left of ball grinding Bipolar activity .I am happy - sad - happy - sad - they like me - they don't - they like the show - they don't ...I am happy - sad - happy - sad ...

I met up with some of the Irish guys who were doing the show before mine last week, some of who have their own shows still - their comments were very much along the line of  - "ah now begorrah - you see those *&^%$&&** **&^%$£**&& *astards  .. they will send you to &*^^%$£ hell and back". Yesterday he said he had a 2/3rd full show .. but zero atmosphere .... same show had 5 people in day before and it was a storm ...  "****ing send you Bipolar if you allow it to... this fringe "..

Well I agree - I have had loads of people in - and the show was as flat as a whale fart after a night out in Patel's curry house .. followed by a hand full of people and I had a great time along with them and the show.

Tonight ? I haven't got time to tell you about tonight... I am too busy giving you anecdotes before the show ... oh right that's what the blog is supposed to be about ... OK then ...

So nobody in to start with. Just before I started a woman popped her head around the door and asked how long before I start? I told her 1 minute. She disappeared.  So I got going with some music .. I wanted to see if I could remember how to play American Pie .. and Peggy Gordon - etc.. so I sat down got out my guitar and was playing around. Half way thought a moving rendition of Carrickfergus .. this woman popped her head in again and asked if I had started. I carried on singing and did not answer her. She left. So next up American pie - the boxer - and Peggy Gordon .. and back came this woman again. This time she sat down. followed by a couple more people. So I asked them what they wanted - Music or the second half of the show? They selected music.

I did a bit of an intro - and asking where everyone came from ... "Anastasia" .. she said .. "from Transylvania" ... well externally I gave her a stony gentle smile .. inside .... I fell apart .. I was rolling all over the floor in extreme laughter ... My pupils dilated as I tried with all my will power not to open my mouth .... about 400 quips went through my head .. all the old corny jokes  whizzed through my brain in an attempt to get me make a comment - any comment - that would probably make her walk out ... but NO !!! I stayed calm... and carried on ... (allowing for the newly formed wet patch in my panda suit of course) I was going to do Zombie Jamboree as a first song .. lets face it .. I knew I would fall apart...

During that song as "Vince" echoed through my head in a hollow voice (remake of Dracula) ... and every image from the few hundred Hammer House of Horror films ran riot thought my brain .. Oh yes ...I just about got through the song laughing hysterically every 3 seconds. I bet that no-one dared leave in case I pulled out a knife or something ... I must have come across as nutty as a fruit cake .. but I just could not keep a straight face ... laughing at music interludes etc etc... made worse as I saw them moving backwards slowly in my head .... (growing damp patch ... )

During the show I couldn't help myself .. I dropped odd comments like "don't worry I wont bite you" to other members of the audience .. normally followed by the comment "but she might" in my head .. which caused me to totally forget what I was doing ... as I fell into another song collapsing with laughter .....FUN!!! you just cannot buy this!! Bipolar ... YOU BET !!!!!!!! ......... V....I....N...C....E !!!! :) :)

I was so distracted by my "Vampire" that I didn't exploit the couple from Glasgow and Hamilton ... which in any other show would have offered me ample opportunity to have a little tease... But I just dare not open my mouth tonight ...

Just to try to annoy me - 4 people kept popping their heads around the door ... but tonight .. yes tonight .. not even that could dampen my fun ... I was having such a good time - I overran slightly... and to add icing to my cake tonight .. they popped in again at the end of the show .. and I had great pleasure telling them in a firm and harsh voice that the show was over and they needed to go.

I must say I had a good time with the audience tonight - and Anastasia was very nervous after she told me where she was from. Nice bunch tonight ..... V....I....N...C....E !!!! :) :) .... oh god - please stop me ...

You know what .. sometimes it good to be a bipolar bear / bare / happy / sad / guitarist .....