whatever keeps you happy !!

I have been ill most of the week - so apart from organising and coordinating bits - I have not been able to run through the show as stands... I can tell you I think its about 15 mins short at this moment ... but cant tell as I have not been able to run through the new format yet.....

During my last 3 days, my small pond of fish has managed to find itself a new friend .. A Heron ... which seems to has triggered a lot of distress.... well lets put it like this - the fish don't seem pleased about it anyway...  yet (and as far as I can tell) all are present and correct, in terms of fish anyway ...

To deal with this, and as I cannot use my down time to run through the show.. I am tasked with finding a solution .. so here we go ...

1) look at what is available in the market
2) read reviews
3) look at effectiveness against cost
4) talk to the fish about their requirements
5) acquire solution..

YES !! its a project with milestones and achievable smart objectives .. (geeks will have a giggle at this comment .. rest of you - tough !! )

Whats available ? a fake Heron .. 3 different types... an infra-red activated water squirter ... a low voltage electric fence (????) ... a sonic scarer ... a pagoda build with any combination of the above ... underwater meshing... over pond meshing ...  + also ran ideas ....

The retractable roof pagoda .. Wembley stadium style  ... was always going to be a non runner ... I like the fish .. but not THAT much...
I wont go item by item this stuff .. but it seems that on all the write-ups .. a combined fake Heron with sonic scarer seem to be very effective. So there we have it.. off to some user forums to see what they say ...

Like it ...  hate it ... tried electric fence but heron stepped over it ..  tried water squirter but flooded neighbours ... tried pagoda ... Heron found it useful for shade ... etc etc .. but here are the 3 best responses in my opinion ...

The hippy ... yeah man - but they are only having a free meal man .. they have a right man ..

The angry man ... I use a .22 shot gun on mine .. (hippy response ... they are protected man ..) angry man with .22 rifle - maybe so .. but not in my garden ...

The solution provider .. sell the gold fish - buy piranha and leave it open for the herons to pop in ...

Well I was entertained ...

Show ??? oh yes the show .. thats what this blog is supposed to be about ...

Yes ... so I have the filming sorted .. its not cheap .. so it had better be top quality .... my props are off to be "fixed " ready for the show at some stage today / tomorrow .. and I have ordered a decent quality radio mic for my system... it cost an arm and a fin .. so it had better be worth it !!!!!

Now to get the show to the standard of the equipment :) :) ...

Do you have any panda suits ?

Strange question .. So for those kids around who really think that I am a panda .. Not a man dressed as a panda .. Then no - I don't have any panda suits ....

For the person doing my filming for the panda chronicles ... Who asked this question ... Then I guess it's DUH !!!

Yes ....when performing as a Panda then either you are a sh#t hot character actor .. Or you buy a suit .... Guess which one is my only option .. ...

Yes - yes - I do have the filming organised now ... My thanks - of course- to the friends who tried to find someone for me ... but I have gone with spielburgh ... Nothing personal ... I am sure you would have done a fantastic job ... But Stephen (Spelly to his close friends) made a good case for doing it .. And some of his previous work he showed me wasn't too bad ... Well it was OK I guess.....

The location is still under discussion .. He wanted to use Disney studios for the filming ... But I put my foot down and said it was one of the parks in London .. Or nothing .... After all Its my show !!!!! ( pushy git!!!! )

Ah and yes ... The replacement Barnsley props showed up and are about to be made ready for the show .... Refer to old blog for clarity on this ... And my good friends the "Warms" have taken responsibility for wardrobe and makeup ... Paul is makeup (as he wears it a lot and looks very realist as he walks the streets as ladyboy Pauletta ) and Gill is wardrobe as she likes handling furry things all the time - such as Paul ....

I guess we are getting there ... Roller coasting towards the show ... Only overshadowed by the Olympics in terms of size and construction .... Some 4 years to build ... And millions of pounds in the making ....

Hey egos ( and imaginations)
are big in bare-guitarists !!!!


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The good - the bad - and the ugly

So as I sit here - emails have gone quiet .. (England playing in the Euro 2012 then) .. and I have done whatever I needed to do today... my mind drifted back to a few days ago.

A few days ago ... my birthday present arrived ... yes I know my birthday was in November ... and in a later post I will tell you who these chaps are so you don't have to put up with this service.. YES it is abuse and YES I am going to use my blog to make wide spread statements of crap service ...

anyway here it is .. I have been bought a statuette of me, on stage last year, at the Edinburgh Free festival ... wearing a bear suit and paying my guitar. What an exceptional thought .. and a lovely present ... just 3 things ..

1) It looks nothing like me
2) It took the company 6 months to get it done
3) It was broken when it got here (glued for the picture)..

If I looked like that .. I would have a face for popular TV .. not radio (which is what I have right now..). I would be a model and paid hundreds of pounds to smile at cameras .. not used to model quasimodo and paid to stand away from cameras ... and ... I would have T shirts like DILF available .. rather than DICK available .. well you get it .. its not me is it?

The company was via Groupon .. and whilst Groupon were very quick to respond to this poor service (kudos where due) the company they used for this were utterly crap, clearly blind, and as talented as sculptors as I am at DIY ...

The good ... so the good was that I was bought a gift of thought and consideration .. the Bad was a blind mans Labrador could have done a better job of it .. and the ugly .. is they took no pride in their work.

Today - I need to return a call to finalise some filming for the show.. I have had a look early this morning at the show content and some changes have been made .... and I am about to pop over to a friends to teach her son a wiggles song on the Uke .. its good practice for me also.. Wasn't Mr wiggles the evil cat in cats and Dogs ???? well that not the wiggles I am referring to .. its those Oz chaps who dress like telly tubbies and sing songs about eating fruit and veg etc.. yeah right .. that's going to work chaps ... the younger generation had Relax don't do it .. by Frankie goes to Hollywood and that didn't make them ...... well you know the song and what it was about ..

so right that's it for a busy working day .. off I go to play with my Uke Duke ... hope I don't get caught ...

Confirmed and ready to go The Panda Chronicles

Here we go again :) its time to restart the run in to the Ed Free fringe festival 2012 - the bare guitarist ... part 2 .. The Panda Chronicles... 

In September 2011 I had made a call that if I was going to do another show this year .. it would be the panda chronicles .. going along with the bear theme etc etc.. then it was almost too lucky that in October / November Edinburgh got 2 pandas from China ... I couldn't believe my luck.. 

I have been hearing rumours that in fact China gave Edinburgh 3 pandas not 2 .. but as yet only the real gutter press has run with this, and I don't want to encounter the legal team of Edinburgh Zoo on this.. But if this is true .. if this is really a true story .. then what has happened to the third Panda?



Enough about this .. so I had my slot confirmed about 3 weeks ago - and its been all hands to the pump since then... I took my show to a professional workshop and got it reviewed by a professional , along with a good telling off for my "lack of theatre .. lovies.." ... So it was a good work out around  "to bear or not to bear .. that is the question" - and "alas poor Whinny .. I knew him Paddington" ... in my best tights and sock shoved in an appropriate place .. just for effect ... I can confirm fellas ... those hold up tights are something else ... soft and smooth and silky ..... but that's another story...

Well outed as a cross dresser now ... and been banned from borrowing other peoples tights ... I guess I will have to buy my own in future ...

So the other day was round at the Deeds ... a lovely Scottish couple with two girls ... and to my surprise the two Edinburgh Pandas had called in for a visit .. apparently with all the sports and football going on at the moment, they were given a couple of weeks off.. and knowing the Deeds well, had called in for a visit..  I never know they were so close friends ? ... man could those Pandas drink ..

WHAT ? you dont believe me .. well here is the proof then ...

They told me they would visit the show .. yeah right ... but who knows.. ah yes the show ... I am at Finnegan s Wake from the 12th to the 25th at 7.15 pm...  I will do more about this in my next blog ... but for now ... the run in starts today .. the Bareguitarist is back on blog .. and I will give you all the down and dirty details of the run to the Edinburgh Fringe .. be warned ..
its never pretty being ..... The Bareguitarist