Mad as a Bag of Cats !!!

No Blog yesterday ... was planning to have one - but no - no Blog... no rehearsal dry run of the show - events just took over the evening...

I was all set for a dry run of the times and some of the pieces between music ... then I got a call - another call - a text - then my darling sister decided to go into battle on FB ... I obviously took the higher ground .... I showed my mature and sophisticated nature ... and responded ... 55 comments later .. a picture of chalk ... and her face on a picture of Superman ??? .... and dry run opportunity gone....

So do I know how long exactly the show runs for, what I need to shorten or lengthen between the slots ...NO .. I am still in the dark about this.

This then led me to have strange dreams about the show last night .. a reoccurring dream like the one you get of going over a cliff (no not the Richard one... that one only occurs when I have been wearing my pink T-shirts!!)  and just as you are going over the edge - you wake up ...you know the one ??

This was equally vivid, so vivid I remember it clearly...

The dream .. ah yes .. starts with me running through the show from the start, however someone (and this is the  bit I don't remember exactly), or should I say a different person each time I fell back to sleep, would hop on stage and start to talk to me through the show ... actually singing and running an entirely different content to the show.. the back drop never gets started ... and the show ends with them leaving the stage and I start to tell the audience that the show backdrop images were great and should have been started an hour ago...

I start to run the images - and the lights come on and someone says the shows over .. the hour is finished .. the last thing I rememberer is looking down at my watch and stumbling some words out about "is that the time really.. " IS THAT THE TIME REALLY ... no flashy exit, no funny comment, no assertive statement.. ????

wet lettuce ....

 ...then of course I jolt and wake up with a shock..

I had this dream, this same dream, some 4 or 5 times last night ... and who are these people that keep hopping on stage and do a show.. their show ... with me standing there watching ...?  If I can remember who you are .. you're in BIG trouble !!! One of them was a naked female who was doing a stand-up routine ..I am not even sure it was a particularly good one ... but I was completely up-staged... Who are you cruel people !!!

I know what you are asking .. what did she look like? what was the colour of her hair?

HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW ... I'm a bloke.. do you think for one minute my eye line went that high with a naked woman on stage???  I think she was a natural Brunette .. but no other ideas.. :)

I must get this timing sorted out tomorrow maybe.. as I have to know if it all fits together... and I must have better quality sleep, else I am going to end up as mad as a bag of cats ...

The Bareguitarist - Festival Previews - The One Stop Festival Hop

The Bareguitarist - Festival Previews - The One Stop Festival Hop

The Great Unwashed

This evening is time to look at the parts of the show where I am forced to communicate with the great un-washed - standing in judgement of my performance - walking out as I am part way through speaking - nipping to the toilet every 2 mins ... yes my girl friend :) :) - oh no I mean the Audience .. of course ...

In one of my earlier blogs I touched on the fact that I had too many unique pieces in the show - and have added more known music (which means I have removed some of the more obscure pieces also..) to ensure the audience had some music they knew... I took a poll of peoples opinion about this .. and apart from the general consensus that I may be better off not doing the show in the first place (which I ignored ... sarcastic GITS!!) The general opinion was that I needed more mainstream music in.... I have the same sort of issue around themes now.. the show contains a flavour "darlings.." that is meant to transcend everyday life and reflect the humorous nature of people .. in other words a comical look back in time .. (for those pheasant pluckers out  there !!) But I cross into some other aspects also - and I need to think about making this less messy ... again - as before I didn't want to drop any of the songs - and now I don't want to drop any themes ... talk about precious or WHAT!!! 

I guess I will have to find a way to make this whole thing tie together... else it will become a Smörgåsbord of  ideas without focus ... oh well nothing wrong with a large Smörgåsbord misses !! I say :)


This is for tonight then - some work to do yet - but not too much now before I get to the final set up.


before I disappear into the rabbit hole... I went today to order a prop I need for the show - they are closed on Mondays - well that's another giant step forward then for the show as well... believe me - this is a prop I cannot do with out - and actually when you see the show you will be glad its there - REALLY GLAD !!...

The car in hot weather is the new Boombox - be warned this is how "Kool" you really look

The suns out - its a boiling hot day - everyone is doing what they love and enjoy - and all seems right with the world... EXCEPT !!!! every car with loud music banging away is playing CRAP music ... all you hear is an over-loud bass beat .. or someone rapping about their mothers and how they were miss treated, and how street they really are ???? CRAP !!!! how about some real music - with NOTES and MUSIC and LYRICS that are sung not spoken? eh eh eh??

I wonder if the generation playing this crap have deafness issues? They certainly have issues in my opinion... and whilst I am a big fan of loads of modern music this stuff is NOT music... never was ... and never will be .... If they want to get themselves noticed in this way they should tattoo IDIOT across their foreheads ... This desire  to be "KOOL" was the same as we saw in the  Boomboxes or Ghettoblaster of the 70's - be warned this is how "Kool" you really look !!!! Hot catches for the opposite sex then !

So back to the show - I spent the last week looking at the process of the show - its flow and how to present what I want - I have added a piece before and after and this is going to form part of the show going forward - if there is a forward - of course !


I have also found a couple of modern pieces of MUSIC I want to make up for the show - and I will be looking for fit energetic young (at heart) males and females who want to have a laugh and perform in  a video clip for me... and for some fun - I am going to set them out as Ukulele pieces .. but that's for another time - for now this extra piece I am adding before and after the show is going to be great fun, and I am looking forward to seeing the results... (clue - is in the last Blog ..)


With the rants of a Bareguitarist ringing in your head - and the sounds of "my momma was a **!!** and your momma is a **8!!** " ringing around the streets for your pleasure, musical delights and edification ... I am going to spend some time next week working on some of the bits between the music for the show ...

During my time in Edinburgh I will be the first point of contact for the Cafe Renroc acts and events - so I am going to have a busy time I guess.. and one of the other key items I need to sort out this week ASAP is to nail down the promotional material .. so wish me luck (looks very black from the outside :) :) )


    




    

World wide responsibilities ...

Friends of the bareguitarist has friends all over the world - and just having received an email from the US about the show reminds me of my moral responsibilities for the global economy and world ethical moral standing!!!! With this in mind i feel i should remind my fans in the US that GB 's head of state has not been caught snagging the entire support office ( a number of times ....) and you should look to our higher morals to guide you !!













I spend some time during the show exploring this rather strange addiction to interacting with the other sex ... Explains the term" ride em cowboy " I guess ... And if any yanks have friends in Edinburgh 4th to 13th August they should send them along for some therapy - I will be holding couch sessions after the show .... LOL...






And these sessions will be recorded !!!! Be warned :) :) hee hee hee haaaaaaaaa hee ...

Only a few weeks left to the show and I need to find the bearguitarist before then !!!! So best push on with the task at hand and BARF !!!!

The bareguitarist ..

Mr Hyde is back

I have heard that there are nudist beaches abroad and nudist camps in the UK where a bare guitarist may practice their show - but I am still looking for a place where a bear guitarist can practise ... Perhaps Canada???? I think I have a grizzly something to offer there!!
So in case you haven't figured it out yet ?? ( duh!!) no I really do mean (duh) as either I am a literary dunce or you ain't been reading my blogs in the manner they were intended - the bareguitarist has an alter ego the bearguitarist ... And nobody can be sure which is which ... It's a dr. Jeckil and mr Hyde thing - some times the good care \ friendly \ soft bearguitarist rules - yet sometimes the evil / sadistic / cruel bareguitarist rules ... I seriously do not believe for one moment that no one has got this yet ?

Today the evil bareguitarist buried the not so evil bearguitarist in the sand ... Only his glasses remained ...





Left on a rock ... Deep in the sand - Let's hope he returns in time !!!

So currently the evil bare guitarist rules - no serum - no consequences - just the alter ego ...






And of course the obligatory blond victim !!!! Ha ha haaaa !! Evil laughs are difficult on blogs- be informed !!!! Hee Hee

Let's be clear - the shy and easily intimidated bearguitarist may return tomorrow - but in the interim - lock up your daughters - secure the locks on the doors of your parlour maids - and keep your wives away from rowdy bars - the bareguitarist and his "bits" are out for the day !!!!!!!!

Hee haaa hee haaaa haahaahaaha ......



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The birds and the bees

The blog yesterday did cause some issues - as Little Teds was not a famous character to some !! And unless you are in rugby circles Erica Rows FLADS are perhaps not so well known either !!!

Well Little Teds lives with my partner and she insisted he was mentioned - so there you have it - he has his 15 mins of fame ...





Not too dissimilar to Erica Rows FLADS !!!

But this did spur a thought of a number of items from the show that need sorting out long before I get the show going - T shirts being one ... I need to think about a couple of T shirt designs to take into the show - for specific pieces in the show ... That's all on top of marketing - and advertisement - and some young people to help in the distribution of leaflets etc... Someone for wardrobe, makeup, stage design, .... I am a performer now you know !!!! Oh the drama .... :)

One part of my show focuses on the difference between men and women - the caveman verses the shopper ... Perhaps for some of the audience (presumes he will have an audience??) I may have to go back to biology 101 ... The birds and the bees ... When a bird meets a bee it goes tweet and the bee goes buzz ..





Well don't want to give the whole story away ..... But I hope the audience will be more advanced than that ... But this is North of the Wall so not sure :)

So I had best push on with my day then .....


The bareguitarist...





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

BARF - thanks Sue !!!!!

The support and continued press and media frenzy around BARF continued today as comments came in from various sources ...

Publicly given support to the campaign are - Rupert - Pooh - Erica Roe - little Teds - baloo - biffo - yogi - to name a few .....







All bares !!!!! So to speak - a special mention tonight goes to my long lost sister - thanks for your support - where ever you are (mentally !!!! ) .... Hee Hee

So remember - if you go down to the woods today - make sure you have BARF support ....

The bare guitarist !!!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sign up to Bears Are Real Friends

Another weekend comes and goes - and it's been one for relaxing and watching the world go by... Except for .... The most horrific sites I have seen in a while - worse than the caging of rare animals - worse than the old photo a monkey playing an accordion -

This was so bad I had to hide Sootys eyes from the horror !!! This was the cruel decapitation torture and captivation of bears...










I have written to the local government official to raise this issue - and I hope to get a host of well know celebs signed up to STOP this treatment of bears !!!

I am calling this campaign BARF - bears are real friends !!! I hope you will join our campaign and sign up to BARF !!!!!

Anyway - this new campaign aside - I also found a statue that resembled the front of the Fringe magazine ... Once again chaps copying other artists ??? Hee hee...





So newly refreshed - BARF to give me some focus - and the realisation that the fringe chaps have only copied what is an original idea .... Is enough excitement for today !!!!!

Bareguitarist loves BARF !!!!


- Posted using BlogPress from
my iPhone

Exactly what is asked - nothing more - nothing less !!

Now everyone having struggled with the picture clues yesterday . I feel I should help by saying the first picture is of Cotton Balls .... there now we can push on to the WEEKEND !!! It is a strange feeling I have that leads me into the thoughts that my show is only 6 weeks away - and I am looking forward to it determined to have a giggle during the hour slot I have...

I have played in some rough bars in the North of England - one pub was caught up in the middle of 2 rival Hells Angels  couples having a fight, tossing glasses at each other, and being narrowly missed by some of the rebounds.. this night in particular sits in my memory as they smashed a huge glass mirror in the bar .. no prizes for guessing where I was playing that night !!! and for about 3 weeks I still remember finding glass shards in my guitar case... but a true professional I kept on playing and I think at one stage tried to slow down the rhythm of "the Boxer" by Simon and Garfunkel to match the throwing techniques used by these two couples... well if you cant have a giggle during a show - what else is left in life :)

I also remember playing some exceptionally good venues, big Northern clubs such as the Irish Club, which in its day was a heaving mass of people on a Saturday night.. a stage that echoed like the a Slim Whitman song, and 3 X 20min slots... STRICTLY 20 mins... we are not talking about approx 20 mins - we are talking about 20mins bang on - or else..
I was playing with a cleaver guitarist in those days - and - never the ones to under deliver to the audience we were on the last verse of (????) some song ...when they turned off our sound system and over our now fully acoustic last verse we heard in a broad Irish accent "eyes down , on the blue card, its no 8 - I said 8 , can you be quiet people can't hear the bingo !!! " ... yes we had over run by a few seconds.... at exactly  9.15 pm on the dot - they started to call the bingo.... so some 1000 odd people that we thought were listening to us with every breath, were doing their bingo cards ... oh the pain of seeing your ego flushed down a toilet like a disused toilet paper ... A lesson we did not forget - the big venues want EXACTLY what they ask for nothing less and nothing more ... that's it...

Onward to this weekend - when I don't think I will be doing much more to the show than thinking about the structure and what might need to be done to give more tot he audience in terms of Value - as I defiantly wont be giving more in terms of time .. that's a lesson you only need to learn once in a lifetime :)

WEEKEND !!!! enjoy and have a tipple of sherry for me :)

If it wasn't for ....

If it wasn't for .......... which actually is the first part of the words in my selected piece for the 90's slot, and completely undetectable in the song itself ...
If it wasn't for the blog I imagine I would be saying all this to my trusted colleague, duet partner for music, and personal confident ... Sooty ... or even perhaps a good friend like Kevin "The Bruce" D, but instead, everyone gets to read my thoughts ... YES I SAID SOOTY !!!
He is real... he doesn't say much (Duh !) but what he does whisper in my ear are pearls of wisdom .... like "Red rum - Red rum"  "all work and no play makes Bear a dull boy!!"... etc - well you know the sort of stuff  :) 
Ah - yes I digressed ... my friend Kevin D (not for much longer probably!)... Seems like a normal sort of chap .. and yes... he is from North of the "wall" - and a true connoisseur of music sipping it occasionally like a fine wine ... and also a guzzler of music, like a Scotsman with a can of Tenants Extra  .. anyway he made some recommendations for 90's music I could use during the show ... stuff like ...Mr Vain -  Here comes the Hot Steppa - Whatta Man - Black, China Crisis, or Hipsway ... I know the bar is set to a standard for this performance - but I think that Kevin the Bruce is going to be somewhat ... "challenged" ....if he thinks I have the guitar prowess of some of the above music...


I have discussed this at length with Sooty, and WE have selected a piece from 1994, which has been described as a one hit wonder however is completely memorable ...  clues are in the pickys ...

In case you haven't got it by now !!!!

So this piece now in its proper slot.. the hunt is on for a projector - and some other show bits I need ... like some  topless dancers ... like these I auditioned earlier today ..

Anyway - Sooty says I must stop now and drink some wine .. so Bon Chance ....

If at first you don't succeed - blame EVERYONE !!!!

If at first you don't succeed - try try again - well that's what the saying is, but I have my own version - If at first you don't succeed - find someone to blame .... and I blame everyone ... well not YOU - but everyone else !!!

And I didn't succeed, timing is sort of getting there for the show, but now some of the visuals have decided they don't want to work how they should... more to do then I guess. However there is one thing that has not been even close to being resolved in the show...

I need a piece of music from the 90's that is worth playing - It has to be acoustic, has to have that classic sound, that recognisable yet easy going sound ....and, surprise surprise  I am still trawling through the lists of music from that era to see if there is something I fancy... Madonna... TLC... Counting Cows (who are they??? ) Whitney ... Janet Jackson .... EMF .. etc etc .. but nothing that tickles my fancy yet... and unless its house music I wasn't really listening during that era ... that was my club time.. my "Snap the power" time ... great workout music - not bad make-out music (??) but not even close to being playable with a guitar - re-phrase that - MY Guitar !!! I played a few venues during that time, The Mill of the Old Black Monks in Barnsley (above), and some other venues, but from memory I didn't come across any music I was keen on picking up..  long term that is anyway...

So its back to the challenge then - and still searching..

I guess its also time to look at the equipment I need for the show - I need to amplify a sound bite - but today's attempts failed .. the problem is not that it didn't work, it did, then didn't, then did etc etc which during the show in August is not good enough. The equipment I use must be 100% predictable .. as the last thing I want is the show to come across as - well -  falling apart !!!

Actually I sometimes sit and think why I am spending so much time on parts of the show as there is always the chance that no-one will even turn up !! Imagine sat in an empty room with  nobody to even talk to ... LOL - that would be SOOOOO funny and would make an excellent blog entry.. If you see Billy no mates on a blog during August - then you will know..

All I have to say today ....

On stage like an idiot with a dog between my legs - BGT again then !!!

Today is a day of not happening in terms of anything outside of some work on the show and other work - "best made plans of mice and men" I guess... I had planned to cycle to the gym and have a gym session today - but that didn't happen.. I had also planned to sort out some outstanding person stuff - which didn't happen either ... What did happen is I ran through the show over a few spare mins and found out that it no longer flowed correctly .... ba****+!!!*&^% ... so in and out of my other commitments I have been fiddling with the show structure to see if it could be easily repaired.... give you one guess !!! And just in case you didn't get the right answer - not easily and STILL being worked on...

That's just great... I, of course, only have myself to blame for this - I have not completed an end to end run through for about a week or so, and changed a number of things in the mean-time. Never the less I did have the structure in my mind and it worked, in my head.... just not in execution....

Its at these times that I begin to think that its time to get a Dog., and have a go at Britain s Got Talent instead - I could make it do tricks...



And look good for the voting public ....

Its got to be easier than what I am trying to do right now !!!!

after all one of the previous finalists couldn't even do a trick - and I can do what the owner did - Stand on stage looking like an idiot with a dog between my legs !!!

Ah - OK - guess that's too close to my actual show then :) :) LOL.....

One positive (you should always leave the audience with a positive) is that I have devised a cunning plan (Baldric..) ready just in case my performers outnumber the audience ..  (1 in other words .. keep up will you!!) .. It involves 6 pints of McEwans Export - 2 bags of nuts - and a tissue .. (not saying what the tissue is for..)

Back to work - real work - and show work -  and a small snack !!!

Can you keep going for 2 Minutes?

Great great great ... found something to go into a 2 min slot I have been thinking about for a while.. this was offered to a couple of never before entertainers as a way to experiment with their art - but seems they don't like performing their art in front of people ??? Its an invisible man thing ... I sort of get the shy element of this - but not really... who wants to be seen, but not really seen?

Today I have worked on parts of the show - changed a couple of  pieces, and just need a run through now... lets see how it holds together tomorrow.. also today was sending my press pack out to all the press contacts... An admin day I guess.. so where is all the fame and fortune, the entourage, the PA's, the groupies, the admin support staff? OK the groupies would probably kill me now-a-days, the PA's would not be very successful in their attempts to ring fence my life, but the admin support would have been great today...  

Anyway I did promise a quick mention of the rock and roll queen, my mother. So that's it then :) :) - no but seriously - she really likes the old Elvis music, Bill Haley, Little Richard, a strange liking for Slim Whitman .. you know the Yodeling chappie - most recently famous for his song kills the Martians in Mars Attacks .. she also has the age thing that happens, she only hears what she wants to, for starters.. some of the very strange music that my family used to listen to in Freetown is in the show.. no - none of the above - some good calypso stuff that was imported in (see previous blog on Freetown..)  and all this comes from a very strange old, selectively deaf, woman ... Below is this strange old woman having her cigar !!! Not really strange then I guess :)

Well your only allowed to behave like this once in your life time, and get away with it... guess she's there...

Hope for the Bareguitarist show !!!

The road to Hope - headed up to Sheffield - a great trip - loads of material for future shows - but that's for another time... I had a great offer to save my show from Ebony and Emelia (the two kids stood behind me) as they have offered to save my show with their superior music skills..... and a brand new song they made up during a beer and food in a local Hungry Horse ... I cant remember it all.. and wouldn't want to steal their thunder - but it went something like Ickle dikkle dikkle doo, where the grass is green and the cats  go Moo !! well you get the drift....Their mother (Natts) also offered to allow them both to come and save the show in Edinburgh with me for ALL the dates.. thanks Natts.. very kind of you ! THE SHOW IS SAVED !!!!!!

But what struck me is that kids have great enthusiasm when their imagination is inspired...

To finish the weekend off - a walk from Hope to Castleton and The road to Nowhere is a highlight of any walk around Castleton .. (left).

All this means whilst gathering loads of material - I didn't get much work done to the show itself - but its shaping up nicely ready for an entertaining time at the fringe.. I think !!

If you take anything from this Blog - its that Hope is not a strategy - its a beautiful place near Castleton ...

Right its time to forage for food - so I guess I will leave you with some images to keep you going - thoughts of an old fashioned sweet shop, Blue John Caverns, a Huge breakfast bun from Hope (below) and fresh air.. which I wont get a lot of today in the Rain Rain Rain that has not stopped since 6am this morning.

The Road to Nowhere